Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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