They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
