do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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