We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
