Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
