if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
