Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
