Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
