Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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