good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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