take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
