White coat. Heels.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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