why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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