I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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