I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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