Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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