There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
