She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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