Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
