And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
