I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
honey bunches of taint.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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