How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
