what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
