I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize