How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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