there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
