I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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