Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
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Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
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I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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