We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
