He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just pee around me
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
