So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
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she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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