We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
