he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
