'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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