No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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