some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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