you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
