go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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