so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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