So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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