i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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