she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
