Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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