i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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