well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
