We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
smell my finger.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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