when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
