Where is the hickey?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
my liver is dry heaving
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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