I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
