He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
