I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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