And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
