he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
