Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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