Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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