We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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