You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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