i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
