We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
