i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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