I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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