I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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