just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
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And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
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"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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