You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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